Looking back to this time 30 years from now is going to be a trip. Everyone will scoff at having experienced images in only 4k. Laugh at the notion of driving anywhere, and in a gas powered car no less! And who could ever imagine a reality void of interstellar time travel and upgraded brain capacity thanks to Elon's magic mind chip!
So too are the experiences people endured throughout the 1990s. It was a decade defined by hysteria if there ever was one, heightened of course by parents' fear of inner-city gang life, snot-nosed animated kids and silly bracelets that basically got every preteen girl pregnant. Those were the rules.
It's hard to believe, but the following five things were banned from schools across America. And for some of the dumbest reasons, possibly ever.
Back around 1993 when then Senator Joe Biden wanted to lock up everyone who stepped onto the streets, the hysteria surrounding gangs and gang affiliation was at its peak. Media outlets reporting of gun violence and initiations were out of control, and every little detail that came from them was exacerbated by manic suburban moms. This included the use of colored shoelaces in fashion, which people everywhere tried to connect to violent street culture — even though it wasn’t even close to being true.
Because of it, schools banned colored laces as it was common belief then that they somehow signified being a part of unsavory groups, everything from street gangs to Nazis. Sucks too because those phat chunky laces were sooo sick.
“I broke the blue one now you have to give me head!” is something all parents thought was said constantly on elementary school playgrounds. The game was called The Snap Game and basically what happened was kids (mostly girls) would wear several colored bracelets on their arms. At recess, if a boy could break one off of their wrist they had to do whatever sex act correlated to the broken color. White for a heavy make-out sesh. Red for a handjob. Blue for head. Black for actual sex.
Yeah it was kind of a thing, but literally no one ever followed through with the rules. YUCK!
Looking back, this ban actually made at least some sense. You see, JNCO jeans were known for using several tons of denim to make just one pair of pants. The bigger the pipe, the wider the hole, the better. This caused all kinds of problems for kids as they often tripped walking down the stairs or got caught shoplifting Volkswagens.
It wasn’t every school that did it, but in 1998 The Los Angeles Times reported that the pants (along with competitors like Kikwear) would be on the naughty list. Again, feeling out the temperature of the era it was probably more about diminishing rave culture than it was about safety. But you know: WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Whether it was a pet store choker haphazardly rigged to a leather wallet or several dozen soda can tops wired together, the wallet chain was a must have in the ‘90s — an obnoxious trend that sounded like a collapsing freight train every time someone sat down in those plastic seats at school. Badass, really.
But it wasn’t long before they were banned from most American schoolyards because kids found they were quite useful in brawls. Turns out easy access to a 42 inch metal flail wasn’t only a fashion statement but an actual weapon of war.
BART SIMPSON SHIRTS
It was 1989 when one of the longest running television shows in history first got its start. It was called "The Simpsons" and it took exactly one year for the series to piss off officials at schools nationwide.
The problem with the relatively innocuous show was the son, Bart. He harbored apathetic values and swore profanities at adults, which were traits that authorities simply could not accept. But because it was so popular, the early-‘90s merchandise sold like crazy and soon found itself banned because of Bart’s banter. “Don’t have a cow, man!” “Eat my shorts!” “Underachiever and proud of it.” You know, scary things like that.
What better way to become an icon of a generation though? To be the thorn in the side of every adult in America.